Friday Fiction – Cold Smile


Cold smile

It’s cold today. The ice on the windscreen didn’t want to melt on the drive in. I didn’t sleep, I look awful. My hands shook far too much this morning to even think about makeup. At least I’m here now. Maybe i should try smiling at people today, that could work?

I think it’s been three weeks now since it happened, and no one at work has said anything to me.

There’s been no; ‘Oh Sue, you’re looking a bit glum, how are you?’

Nor has there been any; ‘You’re looking pale Sue. One too many sherry’s was it?’

I hear my colleagues say this sort of thing to each other all the time, but not to me. I don’t even get the ruder stuff they say to each other, which they call “Good natured banter”.

To start with I wasn’t so bothered. I’ve always felt uncomfortable making small talk with colleagues. I’d never bonded with anyone at work apart from Denny. Oh my Denny, who was so easy to talk to. How could it be so easy with him, but so difficult with others? Ever since I spilled my coffee over him, the way he acted, the way he made me feel, and that smile he gave me, my heart melted on that smile like an exquisite ice sculpture being caressed. He was my soul mate from that moment forward.

I know I haven’t said anything to anyone about it, but you know how gossip is. Surely someone would have heard about it and told a few other people in the office.

Someone must know i exist. I mean I’m still getting work assigned to me. It’s very routine work. I do it automatically without thinking. I don’t need to think…..or want to. Not anymore.

Maybe they all do know and are afraid to say anything, I know I would be. It doesn’t stop me feeling alone though.

Denny used to tell me to try and stay true to myself. Not to bend to the will and personalities of the masses. Maybe that’s what i wanted to hear, but now he’s not around it seems like it wasn’t what i needed to hear. I need someone to see me.

The world feels somehow greyer since the accident, or maybe it was always like this and I’m just more conscious now.

I think about ending it all. Is this is what my life now amounts too now, if this is all I’ve got to look forward to.

Would Denny be like this if he had lived? Would he get on with his life if I had died?

I think what it would be like if I had died in that accident. Maybe I did?

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So i havn’t been blogging for a while, What the hell?! Well done Sudo one for continuing to poke me…..in a manner of speaking. Apologies if that story depressed the shit out of you, what a come back huh. And what a way to bring you down on a friday. Well Sudo One wrote the first paragrah to get me to think of some ideas and thats what i thought of. Next weeks attempt will be more up beat….i think.

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