Easter Short Fiction – Eggs-treme Measures


Kevin the egg

It was a Friday and Kevin was frustrated, not annoyed, just frustrated. Although he knew himself well enough to know that this frustration could lead to anger. And if Kevin got angry…..well, nobody liked Kevin when he was angry, least of all his co-workers, and certainly not Kevin. He hated himself for it, but sometimes he just couldn’t help it.

Kevin had actually had a very good day up until now. He’d woken up feeling refreshed, the eggs he’d eaten for breakfast were soft boiled to perfection so he could dip every soldier in, he had had a great mid-year appraisal from his boss Jeff, and he had managed to correlate all the figures from last week’s KTS reports. Even with all this joy in Kevin’s life, frustration was threating to get the best of him.

He had just sat down at his desk after coming back from lunch and a smell had caught his attention. It instantly put an image from his childhood in his head. Unfortunately all the memory showed was him looking through the eyes of a mask up at a table full of people who were all looking at something in the middle of the table. What was it on the table? He had to know. Oh he really had to know.

Stuart, one of Kevin’s co-workers, was the first to spot the rising levels of frustration in Kevin. All the usual signs were showing, the scratching of his head just above the right ear, the loosening of the tie, the erratic blinking that looked like Morse code without the sound. And the sweating had begun too, oh the profuse sweating.

Stuart emailed Tom and Kate to alert them, but purposefully chose not to tell Brian, the only other co-worker in their team. Stuart had his reasons for this; past disagreements with Brian over whether the Incredible Hulk could beat Superman in a straight up fist fight was one, the fact that Brian’s desk faced away from Kevin’s was another, but mostly it was because Stuart was a bit of a twat.

Tom looked up from his monitor after receiving Stuarts email and looked over at Kevin; Tom was not in the mood for this. He remembered the last time Kevin had got angry. It was his old colleague James who had got the full brunt it. He really missed James some days. In that particular incident Tom had been casually talking to all his co-workers, about cooking a fancy meal for his girlfriend. Stuart had joked that Tom would burn a salad. Kevin had interjected with, what was in hindsight, a useful tip regarding seasoning fresh meat. James had quipped that Kevin couldn’t boil an egg, and this comment had the effect of turning Kevin in to what Stuart had once coined in an email as Krazy Kevin Kaka.

When Kate saw that Brian was not included on the email, she was very pissed off with Stuart. It wasn’t that she particularly liked Brian, it’s just that Brian had the excel skills she needed to finish the work she was doing. Tom and Stuart were useless at creating pivot tables, Kevin was alright at it, but she wasn’t about to ask him. She was just thinking she ought to forward the email to Brian, when she looked up and saw Kevin shaking with rage and starting to rise from his seat. Tom and Stuart were already pulling the old ‘pretend to be on the phone’ trick that had worked quite well during past outbursts. It had worked well as a deflection of attention when the likes of Mary, Frank and Jerome had left the team. Kate made the decision to look after number one (as she normally did) and picked up her phone and started spouting all sorts of corporate bullshit to a dial tone.

Brian was eating an egg mayo sandwich whilst concentrating on his work. Well it wasn’t so much his work as it was Kate’s. He was sorting all the formulas on a table she had been working on. He did it just because she’d asked. God, Brian really fancied Kate, she was so beautiful to him. He was even putting some nice colours on it to highlight certain data. The first he knew about Kevin having one of his outbursts was while he was applying a lovely shade of vermillion to a set of figures. He heard the Krazy Kevin Kry (another doozy from Stuart) behind him that was so shrill that that he had to shut his eyes. When Brian’s eyes reopened it was with surprise that instead of facing his monitor he was facing towards the beautiful Kate, which was odd as she diagonally behind him. It was nice that he had got to see her one last time before his neck snapped. Kevin instantly relaxed, as he always did after one of his ‘outbursts’.
Kate quickly stood up from her chair. ‘For fucks sake Kevin!’ She exclaimed. ‘I really needed Brian to finish my report.’
Stuart, Tom looked at each other with looks of pure awkwardness.
Kevin hung his head in shame. ‘I’m sorry’ he said. ‘You won’t tell Jeff about this will you?’
The silence continued for what felt like an age until finally Kate said, ‘It’s a good thing you’re a whizz at accounting Kevin. And you’re going to finish my report’ she added. Kevin nodded and went back to his desk.

Tom and Stuart breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.
Stuart, who could never resist a quip after an awkward silence said,
‘Well I always thought Brian was a pain in the neck’.
‘Did you get that from an Arnie movie or something? Said Tom.
‘No’ said Stuart.
‘Well it was shit’ said Tom.
‘You’re shit’ said Stuart.
This made Kevin smile, and as he got stuck into completing Kate’s report, he suddenly remembered what was on the table. It was just an egg. Silly Kevin.

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Friday Fiction – Cold Smile


Cold smile

It’s cold today. The ice on the windscreen didn’t want to melt on the drive in. I didn’t sleep, I look awful. My hands shook far too much this morning to even think about makeup. At least I’m here now. Maybe i should try smiling at people today, that could work?

I think it’s been three weeks now since it happened, and no one at work has said anything to me.

There’s been no; ‘Oh Sue, you’re looking a bit glum, how are you?’

Nor has there been any; ‘You’re looking pale Sue. One too many sherry’s was it?’

I hear my colleagues say this sort of thing to each other all the time, but not to me. I don’t even get the ruder stuff they say to each other, which they call “Good natured banter”.

To start with I wasn’t so bothered. I’ve always felt uncomfortable making small talk with colleagues. I’d never bonded with anyone at work apart from Denny. Oh my Denny, who was so easy to talk to. How could it be so easy with him, but so difficult with others? Ever since I spilled my coffee over him, the way he acted, the way he made me feel, and that smile he gave me, my heart melted on that smile like an exquisite ice sculpture being caressed. He was my soul mate from that moment forward.

I know I haven’t said anything to anyone about it, but you know how gossip is. Surely someone would have heard about it and told a few other people in the office.

Someone must know i exist. I mean I’m still getting work assigned to me. It’s very routine work. I do it automatically without thinking. I don’t need to think…..or want to. Not anymore.

Maybe they all do know and are afraid to say anything, I know I would be. It doesn’t stop me feeling alone though.

Denny used to tell me to try and stay true to myself. Not to bend to the will and personalities of the masses. Maybe that’s what i wanted to hear, but now he’s not around it seems like it wasn’t what i needed to hear. I need someone to see me.

The world feels somehow greyer since the accident, or maybe it was always like this and I’m just more conscious now.

I think about ending it all. Is this is what my life now amounts too now, if this is all I’ve got to look forward to.

Would Denny be like this if he had lived? Would he get on with his life if I had died?

I think what it would be like if I had died in that accident. Maybe I did?

———————————————–

So i havn’t been blogging for a while, What the hell?! Well done Sudo one for continuing to poke me…..in a manner of speaking. Apologies if that story depressed the shit out of you, what a come back huh. And what a way to bring you down on a friday. Well Sudo One wrote the first paragrah to get me to think of some ideas and thats what i thought of. Next weeks attempt will be more up beat….i think.

Flash Fiction – Yearning


Park_pond_and_Office_Blocks_-_geograph.org.uk_-_742075

There once was a man, who spent his days basking in the sunlight and relaxing in the park. He had no boss to push his deadlines, he had no deadlines. He had no money worries and had many friends he could share his time with. Everything was easy and fresh and oh so awful.  How he yearned to be inside a stuffy office, he would stand in the park sometimes and just stare up at an office window and try to see through its reflective glass. He thought he could make out a cubicle, with in tray full of papers. Oh the yearning.

There were days where the sun was out and he had a picnic blanket laid out on the freshly mown grass with a champagne lunch. Whilst sharing joke with a friend, he would laugh so hard his head would tip back a face the warm blue sky, but as his head came back down, his eyes would catch another office vista, this time a meeting room, with people in uncomfortable clothes, looking stressed and mutely mouthing words of anger at each other. How his heart ached to be there. Read more of this post

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